I love every moment with Officer. I can’t seem to get enough. Recently my friends have been complaining that I give too much of my time an attention to Officer. To this I respond with HE’S MY HUSBAND OF COURSE I PUT HIM FIRST! I’m so glad that I have Officer. Officer has been a stronghold and a true blessing in my life.
Academy is winding down now. Officer is in the final two weeks. He will be home before I know it! I’m so excited to have him home again even if he will be changing schedules every five weeks or less again. I’m just ready to see his lovely face more often.
I can tell that it is the beginning of the end because he is a lot more relaxed. He actually has energy to give me at the moment. He passed his Final Test on Monday. His class all passed and has scored higher academically as a group than any other class in a long while. His instructors seem happy with them all. Officer is proud of himself and so am I. The Friday of graduation we will BBQ and celebrate the successful end to a long period of training. I will be celebrating his return home. Seeing him only on weekends has been hard. Harder then I thought it would be. I realize now how I would never make it as a military wife... I'd go crazy.
Time with Officer on the weekend has been taking over time with friends (this is some of the cause of friend’s complaints). Time on the weekend is always short, too short. There seems to be a competition for time in our household. I don’t think the time balance will change really ever. There will always be attentions waring against each other. But I am looking forward to the End of Academy and the beginning of the next stage. I look forward to my ever changing role as a PD wife. I also look forward to the new chapter in my own career as I prepare to take the LSAT. The end of Academy brings a new beginning.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
EXCITED!!—but left out.
I want to preface this by saying this is a rewritten version of this entry. I decided my first version did not show the respect I have for Officer and his position. I love Officer very much and I realize he’s not perfect. However, he’s my man and I respect him and stand by him in everything, even in what I write.
Excited, but feeling left out. I think this must be the theme of being a new police officer’s wife. Officer is a police officer and I am not. He fights the bad guys, I sit a desk. He has all the great stories to entertain family and friends. He tells stories of stupid drunks and apprehending crooks. What stories do I have? I’m not part of his stories any more. My stories are not as interesting as Officers. this is what I all of the sudden found myself thinking. I didn’t expect to question my value when Officer started his new job, but that is exactly what happened.
Each day that passed Officer came home talking about the fun stuff he did. He LOVES his new job! LOVES IT! Does he love me? When is my time? When do we get to talk about me and my concerns/hopes/dreams/day? I remember thinking these thoughts. It was hard for me to talk about. I don’t like feeling like I’ve somehow lost value in the eyes of the man that I love. I was feeling forgotten in the whole rush of changing events.
During the first weeks and months, it seemed to me more like Officer had joined a cult then a police department. The cult of the cops seemed to me, very exclusive. Officer was a part of it but he was unsure of how I fit in, so I felt left out. Officer wanted to be accepted as part of the group. He was feeling his way around slowly. It was hard for me to be supportive while he was constantly assessing himself and being assessed by others. I already knew he would be a great cop, why was it so important that he follow all the social rules? Officer didn’t know where he fit in yet and more than that he was didn’t know how I would fit in with his new career.
I had a conversation with him attempting to explain why I felt so forgotten. “It’s like you are part of a club, and you don’t want me to be, or don’t think that I can be part of that club with you. But we are married so I am a part of it.” I was pretty strong about how I was feeling. I thought I was undervalued (Not all because of Officer’s new job, but partly). Call me silly but it hurts when you feel like your best friend doesn’t want you to be part of his life. (Of course I realize now that this was just a fleeting feeling that would get better with time.) I might be wrong but I think that being married automatically gives you and all access pass to your spouse’s life. I was in tears by the time the conversation finished. I think what I felt mostly was a sense of exclusion. We had been working together throughout the application process and now that it was over it was like he was highered and I was rejected. I know Officer did not mean to completely hold me out of this new part of his life, he was learning the ropes and he wanted to protect me.
Officer was learning the unwritten social rules and he didn’t want to do things the hard way. He went out of his way and above and beyond all the time. In the first weeks Officer spent most of his time on police related stuff. He studied for hours when he was not at work. He watched police movies when he had down time. He looked online for all the gear he wanted to get for work.
It took time. My words explaining how I felt helped him to understand how I felt but they didn’t change anything. It took time for him to settle in, to form a group with the other newbie’s, and to realize The cop club is for wives too (well at least most of the time). I’m still excited for him, and not quite feeling so left out these days.
Excited, but feeling left out. I think this must be the theme of being a new police officer’s wife. Officer is a police officer and I am not. He fights the bad guys, I sit a desk. He has all the great stories to entertain family and friends. He tells stories of stupid drunks and apprehending crooks. What stories do I have? I’m not part of his stories any more. My stories are not as interesting as Officers. this is what I all of the sudden found myself thinking. I didn’t expect to question my value when Officer started his new job, but that is exactly what happened.
Each day that passed Officer came home talking about the fun stuff he did. He LOVES his new job! LOVES IT! Does he love me? When is my time? When do we get to talk about me and my concerns/hopes/dreams/day? I remember thinking these thoughts. It was hard for me to talk about. I don’t like feeling like I’ve somehow lost value in the eyes of the man that I love. I was feeling forgotten in the whole rush of changing events.
During the first weeks and months, it seemed to me more like Officer had joined a cult then a police department. The cult of the cops seemed to me, very exclusive. Officer was a part of it but he was unsure of how I fit in, so I felt left out. Officer wanted to be accepted as part of the group. He was feeling his way around slowly. It was hard for me to be supportive while he was constantly assessing himself and being assessed by others. I already knew he would be a great cop, why was it so important that he follow all the social rules? Officer didn’t know where he fit in yet and more than that he was didn’t know how I would fit in with his new career.
I had a conversation with him attempting to explain why I felt so forgotten. “It’s like you are part of a club, and you don’t want me to be, or don’t think that I can be part of that club with you. But we are married so I am a part of it.” I was pretty strong about how I was feeling. I thought I was undervalued (Not all because of Officer’s new job, but partly). Call me silly but it hurts when you feel like your best friend doesn’t want you to be part of his life. (Of course I realize now that this was just a fleeting feeling that would get better with time.) I might be wrong but I think that being married automatically gives you and all access pass to your spouse’s life. I was in tears by the time the conversation finished. I think what I felt mostly was a sense of exclusion. We had been working together throughout the application process and now that it was over it was like he was highered and I was rejected. I know Officer did not mean to completely hold me out of this new part of his life, he was learning the ropes and he wanted to protect me.
Officer was learning the unwritten social rules and he didn’t want to do things the hard way. He went out of his way and above and beyond all the time. In the first weeks Officer spent most of his time on police related stuff. He studied for hours when he was not at work. He watched police movies when he had down time. He looked online for all the gear he wanted to get for work.
It took time. My words explaining how I felt helped him to understand how I felt but they didn’t change anything. It took time for him to settle in, to form a group with the other newbie’s, and to realize The cop club is for wives too (well at least most of the time). I’m still excited for him, and not quite feeling so left out these days.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
The Application Process
June. We were married. Officer decided he wanted to be a cop. We talked about the job. We prayed about it. We came to the conclusion that we were both jumping in one hundred percent. He would apply and I would support him. The application itself was about twenty pages. We filled it out together. He wanted to make sure he did it just right so he would have me read over everything he filled out. He mailed it off and the long wait began.
July. Physical and written testing took place on a Saturday. The physical test was held at a local school. There were about a hundred people there to “try out”, of those I think there were three women and the rest were men. They ranged in age, weight, height, and background. I remember a few of the people who didn’t pass. One older man who was former military, I remember thinking he seemed to be all talk and living in his glory days. There were a few men who, while I applaud the fact that they tried, they were too over weight to accomplish the tasks. I also remember a woman who was very short. I would guess she didn’t even hit five feet tall. She didn’t make it through the 1.5 mile run with in the time allowed. There were also others who sailed through the physical test. I remember being amazed when a very tall lanky man made it through the run in under seven minutes. I assume he ran for the track team in school. My Officer was in the middle. He hates to run so he didn’t do as well on that part, but his upper body strength is outstanding so he accomplished the sit-ups and push-ups with ease. I was worried about how well he would do an the run because he broke his leg in January and it still gave him trouble from time to time. In the end Officer passed the physical test easy peasey. Instant gratification on this part of the process, you make it or you don’t.
I went to cheer on Officer. I also wanted to spend time with him. As you may know weekends are precious. The more quality time you can spend with your spouse the better. I thought this would give us some time together. I was wrong. I was very glad I went, don’t get me wrong here, but I was a bench warmer while he did the physical testing and I was waiting in the local library for hours while he accomplished the written testing. I was bored out of my mind! I consider myself a very active person and while it was not hard to occupy my time in the library the anticipation and waiting was hard for me to do. When he finished for the day (an hour after he expected) we headed home talking all the way. Though he thought he did well on the written test he would not know how the results for a while.
September. The results are in. He passed! Officer did well on the written. He made it in the top 70%. The department assured him they would call and let him know when/if he made it farther on in the process. More waiting. Not our favorite thing but better than hearing a “No.”
October. He made it to the first interview, exciting and nerve racking for both of us. Officer did everything right. He attended all the optional interview what-to-expect sessions. He talked to as many police, sheriff, and firemen as he knew. He asked questions. He wrote out and memorized a short bio. He learned about the department, the chief, and the city.
The day before the interview his parents came down for a visit. It was good timing for us because we had an extensive background and family information packet to fill out. His mom and I spent the entire afternoon filling it out for him while he was working. I don’t think he could have done it on his own, I’m glad his mom and I could help. Just so you know it was also like 20 pages long.
The morning of he took the day off to prepare and relax. Much to his chagrin Officer woke up with a sore throat and a voice that was fading. I think he ate cough drops all day long. I still had to work so I kissed him good bye, wished him luck, and told him I’d pick him up when he was done with the interview.
I finished work and drove to meet him and his parents for a late lunch. I was excited for him. He thought it went well. He was only worried about his lack of experience, though I think that is to be expected of a 24 year old. Only time would reveal the truth to us. If he made it past this he would be called back for a second interview. More waiting, hoping, and praying…
November. The callback interview finally came! Relief. He was not out of the woods yet but made it on. 800 applicants were slowly weeded out and there were now 40 people competing for 8 open positions. The interview came and went. It was much like the first, he did really well he thought... but then we didn’t hear anything more.
January. One day… two day… sorry you’re still waiting honey but I got a real career job today! And that is how it happened. We both graduated in December the year before. We both had found jobs to pay our bills. His job was working on a ranch, mine making coffee like I had since I was 16 years old. They didn’t pay much but they paid for our studio apartment, food, and car... Living on love... I think there is a country song about our lives at this time. Our days began early 4:30 AM Monday through Friday. The days were wearing us down and we were both looking for other work, careers that would allow us to pay back the thousands of dollars in student loans we acquired in college. I mentioned to some of the regulars at the coffee shop that I was looking for other work. One of them told me there was an opening in his office upstairs. I gave him a cover letter and resume the next day. The day after that he asked me to come up and talk with him after work, and the day after that he offered me the job. Just like that I would start a new career. After my two weeks were up at the coffee shop I moved up and started working on the 19th floor. Officer was jealous at how fast I got my job. He had been working at becoming an officer for months and I had a job, just like that, in three days.
Will we ever know if you made it? That was the thought we kept coming to as we waited. We had heard from a few of his references that they had been called and asked about him, but that was more than a month ago. Finally in the end of February we heard from the department. He received a conditional offer of higher in the mail. Though exciting, a “conditional” offer of higher just makes you aware that the job is not yet yours. He had to complete a psychological test and get a physical from the department’s doctors. The offer also said that it was contingent on there being a position available for him when and if these tasks were successfully completed. As you already know Officer passed both these test too. He would start as a police officer March 1st! The waiting was over. We finally knew. There was an end to the toils and it was grand.
July. Physical and written testing took place on a Saturday. The physical test was held at a local school. There were about a hundred people there to “try out”, of those I think there were three women and the rest were men. They ranged in age, weight, height, and background. I remember a few of the people who didn’t pass. One older man who was former military, I remember thinking he seemed to be all talk and living in his glory days. There were a few men who, while I applaud the fact that they tried, they were too over weight to accomplish the tasks. I also remember a woman who was very short. I would guess she didn’t even hit five feet tall. She didn’t make it through the 1.5 mile run with in the time allowed. There were also others who sailed through the physical test. I remember being amazed when a very tall lanky man made it through the run in under seven minutes. I assume he ran for the track team in school. My Officer was in the middle. He hates to run so he didn’t do as well on that part, but his upper body strength is outstanding so he accomplished the sit-ups and push-ups with ease. I was worried about how well he would do an the run because he broke his leg in January and it still gave him trouble from time to time. In the end Officer passed the physical test easy peasey. Instant gratification on this part of the process, you make it or you don’t.
I went to cheer on Officer. I also wanted to spend time with him. As you may know weekends are precious. The more quality time you can spend with your spouse the better. I thought this would give us some time together. I was wrong. I was very glad I went, don’t get me wrong here, but I was a bench warmer while he did the physical testing and I was waiting in the local library for hours while he accomplished the written testing. I was bored out of my mind! I consider myself a very active person and while it was not hard to occupy my time in the library the anticipation and waiting was hard for me to do. When he finished for the day (an hour after he expected) we headed home talking all the way. Though he thought he did well on the written test he would not know how the results for a while.
September. The results are in. He passed! Officer did well on the written. He made it in the top 70%. The department assured him they would call and let him know when/if he made it farther on in the process. More waiting. Not our favorite thing but better than hearing a “No.”
October. He made it to the first interview, exciting and nerve racking for both of us. Officer did everything right. He attended all the optional interview what-to-expect sessions. He talked to as many police, sheriff, and firemen as he knew. He asked questions. He wrote out and memorized a short bio. He learned about the department, the chief, and the city.
The day before the interview his parents came down for a visit. It was good timing for us because we had an extensive background and family information packet to fill out. His mom and I spent the entire afternoon filling it out for him while he was working. I don’t think he could have done it on his own, I’m glad his mom and I could help. Just so you know it was also like 20 pages long.
The morning of he took the day off to prepare and relax. Much to his chagrin Officer woke up with a sore throat and a voice that was fading. I think he ate cough drops all day long. I still had to work so I kissed him good bye, wished him luck, and told him I’d pick him up when he was done with the interview.
I finished work and drove to meet him and his parents for a late lunch. I was excited for him. He thought it went well. He was only worried about his lack of experience, though I think that is to be expected of a 24 year old. Only time would reveal the truth to us. If he made it past this he would be called back for a second interview. More waiting, hoping, and praying…
November. The callback interview finally came! Relief. He was not out of the woods yet but made it on. 800 applicants were slowly weeded out and there were now 40 people competing for 8 open positions. The interview came and went. It was much like the first, he did really well he thought... but then we didn’t hear anything more.
January. One day… two day… sorry you’re still waiting honey but I got a real career job today! And that is how it happened. We both graduated in December the year before. We both had found jobs to pay our bills. His job was working on a ranch, mine making coffee like I had since I was 16 years old. They didn’t pay much but they paid for our studio apartment, food, and car... Living on love... I think there is a country song about our lives at this time. Our days began early 4:30 AM Monday through Friday. The days were wearing us down and we were both looking for other work, careers that would allow us to pay back the thousands of dollars in student loans we acquired in college. I mentioned to some of the regulars at the coffee shop that I was looking for other work. One of them told me there was an opening in his office upstairs. I gave him a cover letter and resume the next day. The day after that he asked me to come up and talk with him after work, and the day after that he offered me the job. Just like that I would start a new career. After my two weeks were up at the coffee shop I moved up and started working on the 19th floor. Officer was jealous at how fast I got my job. He had been working at becoming an officer for months and I had a job, just like that, in three days.
Will we ever know if you made it? That was the thought we kept coming to as we waited. We had heard from a few of his references that they had been called and asked about him, but that was more than a month ago. Finally in the end of February we heard from the department. He received a conditional offer of higher in the mail. Though exciting, a “conditional” offer of higher just makes you aware that the job is not yet yours. He had to complete a psychological test and get a physical from the department’s doctors. The offer also said that it was contingent on there being a position available for him when and if these tasks were successfully completed. As you already know Officer passed both these test too. He would start as a police officer March 1st! The waiting was over. We finally knew. There was an end to the toils and it was grand.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Honey I think I want to be a cop...
Sometime in May2009:
Honey I think I want to be a cop...
That was how my husband “Officer” broached the subject to me. This was only AFTER I had heard him respond to our family with, “Well I’ve been looking into becoming a cop.” We were planning a wedding, and as family does, they were making sure Officer as a man was going to provide for his soon to be wife. Even though at the time he already had a job (I guess they knew it wasn’t his career by the fact it only paid $12/hr).
We did talk about it more in detail. I smiled mostly because I know officer very well. He is strong and when he puts his mind to it, he gets the job done. We talked about shift work and how hard that would be on me. We talked about him working holidays and not having a free schedule. About why he was considering being a cop now, and he hadn’t before. Mostly he said that it was a job that he didn’t consider before. It occur ed to me Most normal people I knew were not cops. I only personally knew one cop. Being a cop seemed like a job that he didn’t know if he was qualified for. I hadn’t considered it before because well, let’s just say in my family a cop showing up meant something bad. So bad associations= not in my mind as something you consider doing.
A cop?... let that sit a moment… Never thought I’d be married to a cop but I guess it’s a good profession. We need good cops. Officer is compassionate enough and also enjoys action shoot-‘em-up movies where people die. He is a great example of a quality man, was an eagle scout and the whole nine yards. There’s no real reason I could think of why he wouldn’t make a good cop. A cop... OK sure I guess if that’s what you think you want I’m in. OK. I support that.
And so the process began one year ago. Officer was on his way to being a cop. I still laugh because I think the reason he didn't tell me before he mentioned it to his family was he didn't know if I would be happy with his decision.
Honey I think I want to be a cop...
That was how my husband “Officer” broached the subject to me. This was only AFTER I had heard him respond to our family with, “Well I’ve been looking into becoming a cop.” We were planning a wedding, and as family does, they were making sure Officer as a man was going to provide for his soon to be wife. Even though at the time he already had a job (I guess they knew it wasn’t his career by the fact it only paid $12/hr).
We did talk about it more in detail. I smiled mostly because I know officer very well. He is strong and when he puts his mind to it, he gets the job done. We talked about shift work and how hard that would be on me. We talked about him working holidays and not having a free schedule. About why he was considering being a cop now, and he hadn’t before. Mostly he said that it was a job that he didn’t consider before. It occur ed to me Most normal people I knew were not cops. I only personally knew one cop. Being a cop seemed like a job that he didn’t know if he was qualified for. I hadn’t considered it before because well, let’s just say in my family a cop showing up meant something bad. So bad associations= not in my mind as something you consider doing.
A cop?... let that sit a moment… Never thought I’d be married to a cop but I guess it’s a good profession. We need good cops. Officer is compassionate enough and also enjoys action shoot-‘em-up movies where people die. He is a great example of a quality man, was an eagle scout and the whole nine yards. There’s no real reason I could think of why he wouldn’t make a good cop. A cop... OK sure I guess if that’s what you think you want I’m in. OK. I support that.
And so the process began one year ago. Officer was on his way to being a cop. I still laugh because I think the reason he didn't tell me before he mentioned it to his family was he didn't know if I would be happy with his decision.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Newly Married and Home Alone
The wedding was great, the homey-moon too short, and since then a whole lotta life has come at us really, really fast! We moved and I started my new job in January, Officer ended the long highering process and began March 1st. 2010 has been a good year, I think.
Fast forward to May (there is a whole lot I’ll fill you in on later) and this week Officer started DPSST a.k.a. 16 weeks of police boot-camp. For him this means each day starts early with PT (rain or shine, but mostly rain), breakfast, followed by a full day of training classes. For me DPSST means I am alone. Yes maybe I’m selfish but I expected to have my husband around for our first year of marriage, after all it’s not like I married a military man. I guess this is the life I get for now.
The last seven days have gone a little like this:
Wednesday, Officer’s brother is leaving for the Marine’s OCS so his dad comes in to town (Who I love and built us a totally fabulous bookshelf! Not important.), and Officer has two days off so we have “family” time. Keep in mind that I have seen my husband maybe 4 hours total in the last 72! Not to mention Officer forgot to pick me up on Monday so I walked the .81 miles home in 4 inch heels. No, I’m not still mad… Just felt unimportant for a while.
Thursday, Officer has breakfast with his dad, sends him on his way, and spends the rest of the morning studding. 2:30 PM, Officer gets me early from work so we can volunteer at a local non-profit’s open house J 9:30 PM Arrive home and go to bed exhausted.
Friday, I come home from work and we shop for the new shoes he needs for DPSST, cancel the gym membership (because he’s gone and I won’t go alone), and arrive home in time to make a quick bite for officer before he heads off to work. I’m alone again.
Saturday, Officer comes home in the AM and goes to bed. I wake up get ready and go to a wedding (Did I mention I’d been sick this week... yeah). It was a beautiful wedding and I saw my family but I began to feel feverish and realized going was a bad idea. Officer called and I headed home to bed. Officer left for work.
Sunday, I wake up and go to run errands for him make sure he has all he needs for DPSST. Officer sleeps. 2 PM, Officer wakes, and starts packing. We split a Subway Spicy Italian, I cry, and Officer leaves for DPSST check in. We never have enough time together. I head to church with my sister-in-law. When I come home I head to bed and Officer calls me to say good night.
Monday, I’m sick and go to work. Come home clean house, make my lunch for the next day, Call Officer and go to bed.
Tuesday, morning text from Officer, I love him! Go to work. My mother-in-law calls, apparently my brother-in-law has stress fractures and the Marines are sending him home. I pray for him. My aunt texts, she’s in town. I get off work and my Aunt and Uncle pick me up. We head to meet my cousin for dinner. I text Officer tell him to call cause I’ll be in town. He calls and is able to meet us for dinner. Dinner with the Family 5-6 PM. Kiss officer good bye he heads back to the compound. I head home to an empty apartment.
Alone again today… hey isn’t that a country song? Any way this is my life now, married for just less than a year and alone five days a week. It sucks not seeing Officer during the week, but he’ll be home on the weekend. Things could be worse. I could be a military wife… I don’t know how they do it! It helps to know I’m not the only one who faces being married and alone a lot. I am learning to fill my time; I just wish I could see Officer more.
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